I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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