Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
