Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
