That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize