Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
