New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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