Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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