I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
