i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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