I wanna bring you to show and tell
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
