he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i will never coherently bang her
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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