it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
we should paint friendship bongs
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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