remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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