Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
