I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
