This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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