Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
