I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
