1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
