The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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