Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
