Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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