pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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