Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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