Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
