Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
false alarm, still single
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
