The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
