I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
this hospital has no fireball
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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