you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
