you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
