I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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