this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
