That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
