She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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