Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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