By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
