1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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