It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
