my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
