when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
