update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
