dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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