She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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