so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
false alarm, still single
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
