i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
