I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
