i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize