I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize