Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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