It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
