I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
