I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
