We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
