why didn't you poke me back
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
