i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Let's get the cat blown out
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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