Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
