go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
