Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
