Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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