he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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