Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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