Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
