Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
