is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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